I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize