I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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