Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
