Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
