please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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