That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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