Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
