What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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