so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
