Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
