White coat. Heels.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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