I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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