Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
