Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
