what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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