not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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