i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
