YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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