help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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