she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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