But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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