i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
