Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
