last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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