the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
