all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
