dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I love you.
Bad choice
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
