i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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