Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
