Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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