it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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