There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Found your dick twin last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
