she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
