you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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