just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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