You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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