i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i out mim tonsoeep
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
