You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
