I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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