my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
