absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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