just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
