This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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