But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
