Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
