Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
