i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
