I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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