I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he puts the penis in happiness.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
