I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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