Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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