my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
