I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
